Hi all!

It has been almost a year since I have posted anything on my blog. I will try to do better. I think I say that every time! ;) A lot has happened over the past year.

Brynn is doing fabulous! She has no problems with iron deficiency anemia and her eczema is gone. I was reading about allergen related problems and found that eczema can sometimes be related to a weakened immune system. I wonder if Brynn developed this due to chemotherapy. Ironic that it was gone 2 months after chemotherapy was done. Food for thought I guess.

Brynn will also turn 4 this coming weekend. We are having a little princess party on Saturday and Cinderella and Snow White will be attending. Brynn had such a good time last year that she wanted Cinderella back with her bestest friend. I will take a lot of pics!

Now, I did say that I am taking a lot of pictures, but if I have the time to post them, that is a whole other issue. So I am still working full time at night as a shift manager in the ER. Love it! But I am also going to school full time for my famiy nurse practitioner degree. So between work, school, Brynn's super busy schedule with school 3 days a week, gymnastics and ballet/tap.... is a total of 3 full time jobs. Not to mention TRYING to keep a clean house... and laundry hehe. I will be done December of this year and can't wait to have a little time to do some R&R.

Andy is doing fine. He likes his job and is pretty happy that a few new video games have recently came out. Shhh... I am happy too. Gives me more time to study.....

:) Judy



Brynn this year for Christmas



Picture I put on her birthday party invites

Update on Brynn

Andy brought her to Children's Hospital this past Thursday for her monthly check up and I'm excited to tell y'all that her red blood cell counts are finally starting to increase. Her H&H was 10&32.... which is much better than a ruffly 8&29 where she has been sitting for 6 months. I've noticed that the last couple of weeks she has had more of an appeitite and also has had a lot more energy. Amazing what a few more red blood cells carrying oxygen can do! :) She became somewhat of an introvert through all of this and it's nice to see her coming out of her shell again and being more social. Her doctor also said that her port will be removed soon. I'm guessing when we go next month they will schedule the surgery. One step closer to her having a normal life.....

I know that Brynn will grow up and most likely not remember very much of this... if any at all. Everyday she is going to wake up and see a huge scar that covers half of her belly, another one where her port is... and one on her neck. I hope she doesn't hate them. I hope she embraces them.... they show just how strong she is... how she is a survivor!! She is such an inspiration to me. And I'm sure she is to most other people too. We are so lucky to have a daughter like her!!!

As for me, I still have a bad day every once in awhile. I'm still getting over the shock of having to go through a parents worst nightmare. Sometimes I cry because I know what will happen if something does go wrong with that one kidney... or what if somehow the cancer comes back ect. I just have to take a deep breath and leave it in God's hands. All of this has made me realize whats important in life. I hug and kiss her everyday and make sure she knows how much I love her and how important she is to me!!!

I have to best husband and daughter EVER!!!

Bringing in a NEW year!!!!

So it's the start of a new year!!! I can't believe it is already 2009!!!

I have been such a slack with blogging. I just realized that I haven't blogged since August. Soooo much has happened since then.

In my August blog, Brynn's hair was really starting to fall out. From the pictures I had posted she probably had lost about half. This was a very depressing time for me. It was hard to bathe my child and have clumps of hair fall out.... and the drain get clogged with hair as I was letting the water out. Not only was the hair issue going on, but she would get very sick from the chemo treatments. Especially on the weeks when she got two different types of chemo instead of one. She would vomit about five times the day after chemo. Even though she was pretty much potty trained, the first 3 days after chemo she would ask for a diaper because she really didn't get out of bed much. She would watch tv on those days. It was really hard to see her sick so much. Many times I wished it was me instead of her. I knew I couldn't change that, so I guess you just have to roll with the punches of life.

Then came the day that we had to shave her head. She had a small pony tail left. When in a rubber band it was maybe half the size of my pinky. After Andy did the deed, I totally lost it. I went outside and cried. I didnt think that she would look so different bald. I felt so devistated. We told her she got a hair cut like daddy's so she was really excited about it. For about a week I cried multiple times a day and was in a really big funk. After that week was over I got used to her being bald and I started feeling much better about things....

The day before Halloween was her last treatment. I was surprised that she felt good enough to go out trick or treating. We had a blast and she had a great time! A month after that we went in for a CT scan.... and drum roll please.... the scan came back with no signs of cancer. As her oncologist said an early Christmas present! They even gave her a cake to celebrate!!! Not to mention that she got to meet Sara Evans!!

So it's been two months since then. Brynn is doing awesome!!! She is getting back to her normal life as a 2... almost 3 year old. She doesn't feel sick at all. Her hair is coming back and she has cutie patootie pixie doo going on.

Life is good!!!

Lots of people have asked me.... How did you not lose it?? And that was because I have a great network of friends and family!!! They called me daily to make sure I was doing ok. And it really helped me get through the last few months.

We are excited about bringing in a new year!!! More blogging will be coming your way soon :)

My Lil Trooper

So this week has been a super busy week. Andy was supposed to give blood for Brynn on Monday but Sunday night he had a fever of 103 so that was a no go. I was so upset that Brynn was going to get some random persons blood. Then Hope, babysitter to the stars!, had the same blood as Brynn and dropped everything to go donate for her. That made me feel sooo much better!! She is so awesome! She will most likely get the transfusion on Thursday or Friday.

I have decided that Brynn has the perfect hair if you have cancer. hehehe. Since her hair is curly and fluffy it covers all of her bald spots. Here is a picture of her before chemo....



This is after 5 chemo treatments....



But... this is what her hair looks like when its wet....






and here are a couple of Brynn playing with her hair in the tub....






She is just too dang cute!!!! Blog at ya later!

7th Treatment Down

Today was Brynn's 7th chemo treatment. She is being such a trooper. Her red blood cell count has slowly been dropping the last couple of weeks. Her H&H was 7 and 20 which really is low enough to get a blood transfusion... but since she isn't overly tired or sleeping a lot they are planning on doing one next week. Being the Nancy Nurse (hehe) that I am, I wanted to set up for me or Andy to give blood if one of our blood types was compatible with Brynn's.. and Andy was a perfect match. So he will have to go in on Monday and donate for her.

In the back of the oncology clinic there is a large room where kids get blood, platelet and chemo infusions. Like 20 recliners each with a TV. Each week I see these kids and feel so bad for them. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a kid and have to go through all of that. Everytime I am there I want to do something for all of these kids that are going through ruff times in their lives. Two weeks ago a 8 year old little girl wanted to bring the cancer kids toys to brighten their spirits. It was amazing how these kids were so excited... smiling and happy. Brynn had been crying because she hates being stuck with a needle to access her port... and this 8 year old walks in and says she wants her to have a Dora doll. Brynn had a huge smile on her face. It made her day... because she loves Dora. I would love to do something like that. I'm hoping to spread the word at work and to my friends to donate a toy... coloring book... anything kid friendly... to bring to the clinic to give these kids something to smile about while getting chemo... something to get their minds off of it. So if you are interested in donating a toy let me know.....

The "Hair" Call

So last night was my second night back to work. Lots of the "cool clubers" were working... we were VERY busy ... but still fun... which definitly helped me get my mind off of everything with Brynn. Me and Mathis had gotten quite a few patients at one time and we tag teamed it and got them all taken care of. I sat down to chart and heard "Judy 2842" I picked up the phone and it was Andy. Sounding kinda upset he said "I just took out the rubber band in Brynns hair and a lot of hair came out with it. I ran my hand through her hair and there was a bunch in my hand. It's coming out in small clumps. I gotta wash her hair. Ill call you when Im done." I could tell in his voice that he was scared to wash her hair. Since me and Mathis were in the CCU, the nurses desk is somewhat back in a corner. I just lost it. I cryed there for like 10 minutes trying to hide from people so they wouldn't see me. Then 3 of my buddies saw that I was upset. We walked outside and talked for a few minutes. My buddies always make me feel better. When I walked back in Andy called me back and said there was hair in the bathtub... Brynn crying in the background. He said " I need you to come home. I don't think she feels good. And Im not dealing well with her hair coming out. I really need you here. I left work. Balling alligator tears in my car. I'm so tired of feeling devestated. This is just the icing on the cake, seals the deal, makes me REALLY know that my kid is a chemo kid. And I hate it. I know I am blessed, lucky and it could have been a lot worse. I know this. But it still doesn't make me feel any better.....

3 Weeks Post Op

So where did I leave off last...

So Brynn has had a total of 3 chemo treatments so far. She has tolerated it well besides occassional vomiting and just feeling a little lethargic for a couple of days after the treatments. We have been trying to make the best of her good days and doing fun stuff like going to the park or playing in the pool. And so far her hair hasn't started to fall out. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for that. I am going to have a fall apart when it happens. I'll be depressed for a few days then get used to the idea and be ok with it. I know how I am... I think the anticipation is killing me.... is it all going to fall out, is it going to just thin out, will she be in the super small percentage where her hair doesn't fall out at all. Her oncologist said that her hair may just thin out because she wont get chemo for that long. I had a friend come over yesterday and she said just looking at her you would never know that she is sick. I guess I have issues with the hair loss because everyone who sees her will know she has cancer. They will know she's sick. And right now she looks no different than she did 3 weeks ago unless you see her stomach. I know I shouldn't be worried about this stuff. They got the tumor out the cancer is gone. She is going to live a healthy normal life.... but I guess I'm a worry wart and worry about EVERYTHING. Well off to go hang out with the family.... I'll give yall a update soon!

Brynn's a Cancer SURVIVOR!!

Well, I am finally getting around to writting a little something. I guess I will start from the beginning.....

So last Wednesday I had a well baby check up with Dr Makkumula in Montgomery. I had heard many many great things about her from my friend Hayley. And if Hayley trusts someone, I know I will. So we show up. I really just wanted to do a well baby to meet her and see if there was anything more I could do with Brynn's ezcema spots on her legs. During her exam, she noticed that Brynn's left kidney was slightly bigger than the other. She thought about it for a minute and then decided to send us to the east side of town to get an ultrasound. She told me that if everything was ok I would just go home and if not, the radiologist would tell me to go back to her office. I was getting a little impatient waiting. I wanted me and Brynnie to meet up with Andy for lunch. I really didnt think anything would show up on the ultrasound because she said that sometimes one kidney can be slightly bigger than the other. So then I was told I had to go back to the dr's office. So I started thinking to myself. ... why am I going back to the office. When I walked in the door I felt like all of the staffed was looking at me. I got brought back to a room and the nurse said "where is your husband." I knew something was wrong. I called Andy and he was on his way. Then the Dr sat us down and told us that the radiologist thought Brynn had a Wilms' Tumor on her left kidney. After I sat down for a few minutes, it then dawned on me.... Ohmigod, my child has cancer! They contacted Children's hospital and we had an appointment the next morning for a CT scan and to meet with two oncologists.

After packing all night, we headed to Birmingham bright and early. We went to a branch off of Children's called Children's South. They put Brynn under conscious sedation using diprivan to get CT scans of her chest, abd and pelvis. After she woke up we drove to Children's and met with the oncologists. After reviewing the radiologists report they were certain that Brynn did have a Wilms Tumor. I knew deep down there was a possibility that they might have to remove her kidney but for some reason I just mentally decided to block that out. I knew if they told me that the kidney had to go I was going to have a come apart. And when those words came out of her mouth I did just that. I cryed alligator tears in the room. I had a talk with one of my ER friends and I decided that I wouldn't research about Wilms on the internet. A week after the fact I guess I wish I would have because I would have been more emotionally prepared for this day because they always remove kidneys affected with Wilms' Tumors. After I had my come apart her oncologists talked about surgery. Their plan was to get her to surgery ASAP because the tumor was encapsulated and they didn't want anything to happen .... and for it to burst. If so cancer cells would have been spread all over her abdomen. I felt like my life had totally fallen apart. And just in two days. And then I had to figure out how to deal with my child going to surgery......

So I wake up Friday morning feeling very anxious. I had a million butterflys in my stomach. I kept thinking about the one intubated child I had months ago that died. I felt so helpless!!!! I wanted that kid to live so badly... and couldn't do anything about it. (but that's another story) I just didn't want Brynn to code on the operating table. I know its far fetched. But a very real fear. So surgery called an hour and a half early. I started crying those alligator tears again when I saw my father holding her so tight crying. Then off she went. We followed the surgery team into the holding area to discuss medications that were going to be given and what to expect when she came out of surgery. I decided to dress Brynn in her pink LSU scrubs. The nurses where all like those are too cute. Then saw the LSU logo and were cracking jokes. You know with all of the Bama and Auburn fans here. It did help take the edge off. They gave her some valium and I kissed my sweet baby goodbye... off to surgery she went!

She came back from PACU about 3 hours or so afterwards. She was still very sedated. She had tubes all over. I could see that my dad was a little freaked by all of that. Foley cath, NG tube, 3 iv lines, a monitor, a cut across her belly on her left side, a cut in her neck where they went through to put in her port for chemo which is on her right side. The first thing I scanned with my eyes was her foley bag. I saw 50cc of clear yellow urine. That felt good! The other kidney was working it :) and for the next few hours I felt more at ease with lots of urine flowing into the cath bag. She was for the most part sedated for the next day. I felt like I could take a deep breath! Surgery over. Now it was time to wait for .... the pathology report. I had a few days to come to grips with that. The dreaded patho report!!!! That one report held in its little hands how aggressive my baby girls chemotherapy would be... or not be... and if she would have to go through radiation treatments.

Over the next few days the pain decreased and she was walking more... then started running and doing her favorite... dancing. So yesterday the oncology resident came in and said that Brynn was doing well and they planned on discharging her and we would come back on friday to start chemo ect. So we packed everything and were very excited about going home. Around 1:30 one of our oncologists came in and had a big smile on her face. They expected her tumor to be in stage 2 or 3... and it came back as stage 1. What great news! It was just on the outer part of her kidney and didn't spread to the surrounding areas. She will have to do 21 chemo treatments. The first will start tomorrow.

So the next question I have been getting emails about... How are we doing. I can tell you how I feel. I do feel very lucky. grateful. Things could have been MUCH worse. A lot of things didn't work out as planned in the last few months but if they would have been any different her tumor might not have been found until years down the road in stage 4. But a part of me feels devistated. Angry. I know that Brynn will function like any other child out there with just one kidney. But I get depressed and ask why her? Why my child? I wish I could take away all of her pain. I wish I had only one kidney.... and I was the one that had to get my port accessed every week. But I can't. The next few months will be a tough. But whats important is that she is alive.... and has a great prognosis. And will be back to living a normal life like she had a week ago in just a few months.

Daddy has decided that if Brynn does lose all of her hair that he is going to shave his head totally bald. And Brynn will be like daddy. She won't feel like an outcast....... she will be number 1.... just like her daddy!

Well off to sleep we go. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. :)

Louisiana, Hawaii

We had a great weekend in Louisiana. We were excited to spend a few days with my family.... and I wanted to see how Brynn would do with them while we were there- especially since my family will be watching her while we are in Hawaii. She has changed quite a bit over the past few months since they have seen her and just wanted to make sure she was comfortable with them. And she was. Cole is her new best friend...



They hung out a lot over the weekend. And Cole cried when she left... ;(. I feel a lot better leaving her now for our trip. Even though Im sure by day 5 I will be missing her so much it is going to kill me. But me and Andy do need some "us" time since we pretty much have no free time to ourselves.




As far as Hawaii, it's less than 3 weeks away. YEA! Me and my mom went shopping over the weekend and I bought lots of clothes. Now all I need is a cool summer purse to bring. Since tomorrow is Andys birthday we are going to go shopping and get him some new clothes too. He doesn't know it but our babysitter is going to watch Brynn tomorrow night so we can go shopping, go to diner and a movie. But Hawaii is our offical birthday presents this year... I have kinda mapped out what I want to do over the week... My brother went recently and he told me about "Road to Hana" which will take us about 7-8 hours total.... but he said its full of waterfalls and has a black sand beach. So we will pack a lunch and just drive all day. Then maybe take a helicopter ride over a Volcano, we are going to do a morning at the spa, hang out in the sauna and whirlpool and get couple massages. luaus. snorkling. and so much more. We have never gone on a vacation like this. We are really lucky to be able to do/have the things that we have at the ages of 25/26. We work hard so it is about time to do something for ourselves. Andys been making a lot of extra moeny with his computer business so that has helped with paying for all of this. Life is good.... hopefully life will stay this sweet.....

well here are a few more pics of where we are staying...

Hawaii here we come!!!

We met with our travel agent today.... and we decided to go to Hawaii! For a week! We are soooo excited! Here are some pics of where we are staying..... More details soon!