The "Hair" Call

So last night was my second night back to work. Lots of the "cool clubers" were working... we were VERY busy ... but still fun... which definitly helped me get my mind off of everything with Brynn. Me and Mathis had gotten quite a few patients at one time and we tag teamed it and got them all taken care of. I sat down to chart and heard "Judy 2842" I picked up the phone and it was Andy. Sounding kinda upset he said "I just took out the rubber band in Brynns hair and a lot of hair came out with it. I ran my hand through her hair and there was a bunch in my hand. It's coming out in small clumps. I gotta wash her hair. Ill call you when Im done." I could tell in his voice that he was scared to wash her hair. Since me and Mathis were in the CCU, the nurses desk is somewhat back in a corner. I just lost it. I cryed there for like 10 minutes trying to hide from people so they wouldn't see me. Then 3 of my buddies saw that I was upset. We walked outside and talked for a few minutes. My buddies always make me feel better. When I walked back in Andy called me back and said there was hair in the bathtub... Brynn crying in the background. He said " I need you to come home. I don't think she feels good. And Im not dealing well with her hair coming out. I really need you here. I left work. Balling alligator tears in my car. I'm so tired of feeling devestated. This is just the icing on the cake, seals the deal, makes me REALLY know that my kid is a chemo kid. And I hate it. I know I am blessed, lucky and it could have been a lot worse. I know this. But it still doesn't make me feel any better.....

3 Weeks Post Op

So where did I leave off last...

So Brynn has had a total of 3 chemo treatments so far. She has tolerated it well besides occassional vomiting and just feeling a little lethargic for a couple of days after the treatments. We have been trying to make the best of her good days and doing fun stuff like going to the park or playing in the pool. And so far her hair hasn't started to fall out. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for that. I am going to have a fall apart when it happens. I'll be depressed for a few days then get used to the idea and be ok with it. I know how I am... I think the anticipation is killing me.... is it all going to fall out, is it going to just thin out, will she be in the super small percentage where her hair doesn't fall out at all. Her oncologist said that her hair may just thin out because she wont get chemo for that long. I had a friend come over yesterday and she said just looking at her you would never know that she is sick. I guess I have issues with the hair loss because everyone who sees her will know she has cancer. They will know she's sick. And right now she looks no different than she did 3 weeks ago unless you see her stomach. I know I shouldn't be worried about this stuff. They got the tumor out the cancer is gone. She is going to live a healthy normal life.... but I guess I'm a worry wart and worry about EVERYTHING. Well off to go hang out with the family.... I'll give yall a update soon!