Brynn's a Cancer SURVIVOR!!

Well, I am finally getting around to writting a little something. I guess I will start from the beginning.....

So last Wednesday I had a well baby check up with Dr Makkumula in Montgomery. I had heard many many great things about her from my friend Hayley. And if Hayley trusts someone, I know I will. So we show up. I really just wanted to do a well baby to meet her and see if there was anything more I could do with Brynn's ezcema spots on her legs. During her exam, she noticed that Brynn's left kidney was slightly bigger than the other. She thought about it for a minute and then decided to send us to the east side of town to get an ultrasound. She told me that if everything was ok I would just go home and if not, the radiologist would tell me to go back to her office. I was getting a little impatient waiting. I wanted me and Brynnie to meet up with Andy for lunch. I really didnt think anything would show up on the ultrasound because she said that sometimes one kidney can be slightly bigger than the other. So then I was told I had to go back to the dr's office. So I started thinking to myself. ... why am I going back to the office. When I walked in the door I felt like all of the staffed was looking at me. I got brought back to a room and the nurse said "where is your husband." I knew something was wrong. I called Andy and he was on his way. Then the Dr sat us down and told us that the radiologist thought Brynn had a Wilms' Tumor on her left kidney. After I sat down for a few minutes, it then dawned on me.... Ohmigod, my child has cancer! They contacted Children's hospital and we had an appointment the next morning for a CT scan and to meet with two oncologists.

After packing all night, we headed to Birmingham bright and early. We went to a branch off of Children's called Children's South. They put Brynn under conscious sedation using diprivan to get CT scans of her chest, abd and pelvis. After she woke up we drove to Children's and met with the oncologists. After reviewing the radiologists report they were certain that Brynn did have a Wilms Tumor. I knew deep down there was a possibility that they might have to remove her kidney but for some reason I just mentally decided to block that out. I knew if they told me that the kidney had to go I was going to have a come apart. And when those words came out of her mouth I did just that. I cryed alligator tears in the room. I had a talk with one of my ER friends and I decided that I wouldn't research about Wilms on the internet. A week after the fact I guess I wish I would have because I would have been more emotionally prepared for this day because they always remove kidneys affected with Wilms' Tumors. After I had my come apart her oncologists talked about surgery. Their plan was to get her to surgery ASAP because the tumor was encapsulated and they didn't want anything to happen .... and for it to burst. If so cancer cells would have been spread all over her abdomen. I felt like my life had totally fallen apart. And just in two days. And then I had to figure out how to deal with my child going to surgery......

So I wake up Friday morning feeling very anxious. I had a million butterflys in my stomach. I kept thinking about the one intubated child I had months ago that died. I felt so helpless!!!! I wanted that kid to live so badly... and couldn't do anything about it. (but that's another story) I just didn't want Brynn to code on the operating table. I know its far fetched. But a very real fear. So surgery called an hour and a half early. I started crying those alligator tears again when I saw my father holding her so tight crying. Then off she went. We followed the surgery team into the holding area to discuss medications that were going to be given and what to expect when she came out of surgery. I decided to dress Brynn in her pink LSU scrubs. The nurses where all like those are too cute. Then saw the LSU logo and were cracking jokes. You know with all of the Bama and Auburn fans here. It did help take the edge off. They gave her some valium and I kissed my sweet baby goodbye... off to surgery she went!

She came back from PACU about 3 hours or so afterwards. She was still very sedated. She had tubes all over. I could see that my dad was a little freaked by all of that. Foley cath, NG tube, 3 iv lines, a monitor, a cut across her belly on her left side, a cut in her neck where they went through to put in her port for chemo which is on her right side. The first thing I scanned with my eyes was her foley bag. I saw 50cc of clear yellow urine. That felt good! The other kidney was working it :) and for the next few hours I felt more at ease with lots of urine flowing into the cath bag. She was for the most part sedated for the next day. I felt like I could take a deep breath! Surgery over. Now it was time to wait for .... the pathology report. I had a few days to come to grips with that. The dreaded patho report!!!! That one report held in its little hands how aggressive my baby girls chemotherapy would be... or not be... and if she would have to go through radiation treatments.

Over the next few days the pain decreased and she was walking more... then started running and doing her favorite... dancing. So yesterday the oncology resident came in and said that Brynn was doing well and they planned on discharging her and we would come back on friday to start chemo ect. So we packed everything and were very excited about going home. Around 1:30 one of our oncologists came in and had a big smile on her face. They expected her tumor to be in stage 2 or 3... and it came back as stage 1. What great news! It was just on the outer part of her kidney and didn't spread to the surrounding areas. She will have to do 21 chemo treatments. The first will start tomorrow.

So the next question I have been getting emails about... How are we doing. I can tell you how I feel. I do feel very lucky. grateful. Things could have been MUCH worse. A lot of things didn't work out as planned in the last few months but if they would have been any different her tumor might not have been found until years down the road in stage 4. But a part of me feels devistated. Angry. I know that Brynn will function like any other child out there with just one kidney. But I get depressed and ask why her? Why my child? I wish I could take away all of her pain. I wish I had only one kidney.... and I was the one that had to get my port accessed every week. But I can't. The next few months will be a tough. But whats important is that she is alive.... and has a great prognosis. And will be back to living a normal life like she had a week ago in just a few months.

Daddy has decided that if Brynn does lose all of her hair that he is going to shave his head totally bald. And Brynn will be like daddy. She won't feel like an outcast....... she will be number 1.... just like her daddy!

Well off to sleep we go. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. :)